Too Much Culture

The Links Between Kennedy and Lincoln.

Posted in Uncategorized by tneenan on 04/04/2013

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You may have seen doing the rounds the many uncanny links between the lives and deaths of two of America’s great Presidents. Too Much Culture brings you the full list of bizarre links between Abraham Lincoln and John F Kennedy.

  • John Wilkes Booth who shot Lincoln and Lee Harvey Oswald who shot Kennedy were both murderers.
  • Neither man ever used the internet and the both lived in exactly the same house.
  • Both Lincoln and Kennedy had the initials POTUS.
  • Kennedy was shot while saying the word “intense” two times. In the Spielberg biopic of Lincoln, he is played by Daniel Day-Lewis, an actor who is too intense.
  • The play Lincoln was watching was terribly acted and had been brought back after a long absence at nobody’s request. While Kennedy was shot in “Dallas”.
  • John F Kennedy allegedly had a love affair with Marilyn Monroe. Lincoln once kissed Tony Curtis.
  • Both Kennedy and Lincoln at some point in their lives tried to pick something up, almost immediately dropped it and then had to do that bobbing-pick up thing where you keep dropping it and picking it up.
  • Neither Kennedy nor Lincoln liked the taste of raw human faeces.
  • After John Wilkes Booth shot Lincoln at Ford’s Theatre he dropped onto the stage, thus missing the aisle. Kennedy was president during the Cuban Miss-aisle Crisis.
  • Kennedy was President during the Vietnam War. Lincoln was born of the 4th of July, once hunted a deer, hosted a radio show with Robin Williams and predicted the Apocalypse to happen immediately.
  • Lincoln was shot in a theatre. Kennedy was shot in a car (Lincoln once described cars as “the theatre of the road”).
  • Abraham Lincoln’s middle name was Sheen-Not-Bad. In the TV Miniseries of JFK’s Life “Kennedy” he was played by martin Sheen, who, while not great, wasn’t bad.
  • Kennedy was shot during a trip to Dallas Texas while Lincoln was shot in the theatre, so chances are they both died having just eaten a tiny ice-cream.
  • Lincoln ended slavery, the end of the word slavery is “y”, a letter Kennedy almost certainly used in his lifetime.
  • Lincoln’s bodyguard was John Parker, the exact instruction given to Kennedy’s driver, John immediately after Kennedy was shot.
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