Too Much Culture

Dear Metro (again)

Posted in Uncategorized by tneenan on 05/31/2010

Dear Metro,

I couldn’t help noticing you are yet to reply to me, as such I have included another example of my cartoon Gals About Town. This time I have toned down the violence and focussed more on the minutiae of adult relationships in London. I hope you enjoy it.

Believe it or not, this genuinely happened to me.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Tom

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The Vodafone Family

Posted in Uncategorized by tneenan on 05/30/2010

I think this advert is brilliant, I really hope that the guy and his daughter develop as characters, I have put together some possible evolutions of their characters:

ADVERT 2

The DAD is surrounded by employees who are all applauding and celebrating him. He is about to be presented with a huge cheque.

[Phone Rings]

DAUGHTER is sitting in her car crying

DAUGHTER: Dad, I slipped over in the Supermarket and a man laughed at me.

DAD: What?

DAUGHTER: He laughed at me dad. I looked like a proper idiot, I just wanted to look normal in a Supermarket, is that so wrong?

DAD: Is this… Why are you calling me?

DAUGHTER: I just wanted to look normal Dad, look cool, even, and I slipped over.

DAD: Do you want me to come and meet you? Only it’ll cost a fortune from here and…

DAUGHTER: I don’t know what to do Dad?

DAD: For the love of…

The DAD appears next to the DAUGHTER in her car, he looks peeved.

ADVERT 3

The DAD kneels before the queen, she is about to knight him.

[Phone Rings}

DAD: (To himself) Seriously?

DAUGHTER sits in her car.

DAUGHTER: Dad, I can’t find my favourite earrings.

DAD: Can’t your mother…

DAUGHTER: I just wanted to wear my favourite earrings, is that so wrong?

DAD: Look Amanda, your twenty-seven, I think its about time…

DAUGHTER: I thought I put them in the bedside drawer. But they aren’t in there now.

DAD arrives in the DAUGHTER’S car next to her, he looks exhausted and dumbfounded.

DAUGHTER: Oh, they were in my wallet.

Dear Metro

Posted in Uncategorized by tneenan on 05/29/2010

Dear Metro,

I like Nemi very much but I feel my cartoon would far better suit your remit for swanky London living combined with extreme violence. Please find below a sample of my cartoon Gals About Town, which features the lives of two swanky London females and their hilarious adventures in our fair city and all the trials and tribulations which come with such a life.

Its funny because its true.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Tom

Top 10 Greatest TV Endings

Posted in Uncategorized by tneenan on 05/28/2010

With “Lost” and “Ashes to Ashes” coming to an end I thought it would be a good opportunity to remember some of the greatest TV endings of all time. Warning, here be spoilers…

10) Blake’s 7: Possibly the most shocking entry on the list, the saga of Blake and his crew comes to an end as Blake invites all of his friends on to the bridge of his ship and finally admits that he is “totally gay” for Kerr Avon. The crew accept what Blake has said and vow to continue travelling with him, but from the look of mistrust in Vila Restal’s eyes, it is clear nothing will be the same.

9) Crossroads (2001): Kate Russell follows the professor’s map to behind the waterfall, there she is confronted by her own father sitting in a battered leather chair. She shoots him twice in the chest and slumps to the ground.

8 ) The Prisoner: Patrick McGoohan finally reaches the nerve centre of the mysterious village and meets the illusive Number 1, only to discover Number 1 is in fact two children, one standing on the others shoulders, wearing a long raincoat. McGoohan playfully ruffles their hair and they all run into the sunshine to play tig.

7) Keeping Up Appearances: After the discovery that Hyacinth is a product of his own fractured personality, Richard Bucket is dragged into the ECT ward. On his journey there we see that Onslow is in fact a hospital cleaner, Daisy is a nurse, and the dog that always barks in the car was his psychologist.

6) MASH: More than 50 million people tuned in tot he last episode of MASH which saw Hawkeye finally admit his feeling towards the Korean War. He didn’t like it.

5) Friends: After ten years of “will they won’t they” between Ross and Rachel, the writer pull the rug out from all of us with an episode in which Ross and Rachel wi-on’t. The results have to be seen to be believed.

4) Ashes to Ashes: What more is there to say about this breathtaking finale than Gene Hunt’s final line: “So that was it, our final case. We burned down the brothel, and we sent its remains to the Test Cricket series played between England and Australia. I geuss this case really was… ashes to ashes (winks at camera)”.

3) Bonekickers: The Bonekickers all congratulate themselves on a job well done. In bursts their boss, the sharp suited Michael Lazlow. Who couldn’t be thrilled when he says they need to open a new Bonekickers office, in San Francisco. The team leap to their feet in excitement. (The Bonekickers spin-off Bonekickers-SF never materialised)

2) Eastenders: Eastenders still continues to his day, but the show’s only writer has revealed what he wants the last word of the whole series to be: “cafe”.

1) Lost: No contest, if only for the final shot, the camera zooms out to reveal the island is resting in the hands of Buddha, who looks down the lense smiles and for a split second has the face of Michelle Rodriguez. Brilliantly executed and explains the last six years perfectly.

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An Open Email To JJ Abrams

Posted in Uncategorized by tneenan on 05/27/2010

Dear Jay Jey,

I have just finished watching your trailer for Super 8 and thought I should share with you my thoughts.

I would first like to complement you on your unique vision, which has seen you create some of the greatest film and television over the last decade. I have not seen Alias, but y’know think I might get ’round to it at some point if I literally have nothing else to do. Anyway, the trailer to Super8 is yet another superb flex of your fanboy fangirl, nerd baiting muscle. Fundemantally excitement surrounding this film and its trailer boils down to a very basic human emotion which you so deftly manipulate, the fundemental desire to see what the monster looks like.

What does it look like Jae Jai? No, don’t tell me I enjoy the suspense of knowing there is a powerful monster, but not knowing what it looks like. You may well make the film and then in subsequent interviews say it was a film about the charactersand their story, but I feel you and I will share the secret, that the entire film is based around the monster, and, if I may be so bold, what it looks like.

I emphasise enough how brilliant your filmmaking ability is, as demonstarted by your genius cutting to black just before you see what the monster looks like, thus denying the viewer the ability to tell what the monster looks like. I also enjoy this work as a development of your other teaser trailers such as the monster-appearance-conundrum that was your Cloverfield trailer, building on Roland Emmerich’s creature-description-eluding Godzilla trailer. You are truly standing on the shoulders of giants, and those giants have been sketched out with the minimum of detail.

So congratulations Jei Jea, I cannot wait to see Super8, or more specifically, in fact almost exclusively, what the monster looks like.

Yours Wonderingly.

Tom Neenan

Hollywood’s Biggest In-Jokes

Posted in Uncategorized by tneenan on 05/26/2010

Throughout the years filmmakers have found little ways of paying homage to one another in the form of inside jokes and references. TMC takes a look at some of the most notable examples.

The Willhelm “Hello”

This sound has been used by sound editors in over forty features, from the mass greeting scene in “Zulu” to the initial introduction of the “Twelve Angry Men.” Often used in conjunction with The Hapburg “See you later then,” the famous salutation originally comes from the 1933 Western “Assault on Good-Day Ridge.” The director most fond of the Willhelm “Hello” is John Favreau who used the line over seventy times in “Iron Man 2” Leading one reviewer to comment: “I didn’t understand this film, every minute or so a disembodied “Hello” could be heard, apropos of nothing. It didn’t make any sense.”

Inidana Jones’ Plane        

As Indi escapes from the natives at the beginning of Raiders, look closely at what is written on the side of the bi-plane he boards. In a nod to his earlier work George Lucas has written: “My previous work was ‘Star Wars’”. Similarly the tribe in “The Temple of Doom” are called the Mynameisgeorgelucas tribe. And a map on the wall in “Last Crusade” reads “this is an in joke.” These little touches demonstrate Lucas’ playful sense of humour.

Helena Bonham-Carter

Tim Burton frequently casts Helena Bonham-Carter in his films, a cunning reference to the fact that they are married.

Are You Enjoying Eating Those Apples

Who can forget that classic scene from “Good Will Hunting”: “Hello Will, Are you enjoying eating those apples?” “Yes, these apples are tasty, thanks for buying them.” All hail Matt and Ben for this sizzling exchange.

Alan Smithee

Alan Smithee is a director who is hired to make bad films, either because a studio executives are all drunk, or because the studio has made a series of good films and wants to redress the balance. The woefully untalented Smithee sells photocopiers seven months out of the year, and spend the rest of his time directing films starring Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson or Eric Idle. He is Hollywood’s go to guy for bad films. In an ironic twist, however, Smithee once made a film so bad he wanted his name removed from the credits. In this instance his name was replaced by that of Eurhythmics collaborator Dave Stewart.

 Director Sex Count

Most films and DVDs now come with a small label on which is printed the number of people the director had sex with during the making of the film. This brazen lack of tact is possibly Hollywood’s biggest in-joke, as these labels are available for anyone to see. They break down as follows: U: Unbelievably, no one; PG: Just one, but she was “Pretty Good”; 12: twelve girls. 12A: Self explanatory; 15: Fifteen girls; 18: Eighteen Girls)