Too Much Culture

I Will Not Give You The F***cking Time!

Posted in Uncategorized by tneenan on 09/30/2011

Josh Olson, writer of “A History of Violence” gives his opinion on time keeping.

Here’s the thing, I will not give you the f***ing time! It’s as simple as that. You want to know what time it is, you see me walking down the street, you ask me for the time, here’s the deal, I will not give you the f***ing time.

I will give you an example from a few years ago. I was in a bar watching the hockey and thinking about how cool it would be if Viggo Mortensen 69-ed with Maria Bello on the stairs. This a****le comes up to me, a friend of a friend, he wants to know the time. He says he is going to see a movie at eight and doesn’t want to be late. He wants to see ”Titan AE” or some bullsh*t, he clearly doesn’t realise that a film can’t be good unless Ed Harris’ eye is all weird in it. Anyway, I look down at my watch and tell him it’s half seven, so he orders another beer. As it turns out, the time was actually five to eight, the guy missed “Treasure Planet” or some bullsh*t and what’s worse, he blamed me. He said I was the one that made him miss “The Emperor’s New Groove” or some bullsh*t. I got phone calls asking: why did you give Scott the wrong time? Well in truth, I shouldn’t. I should have given him the f***ing time. He should have found out the time for himself and gone to see “Fern Gully” or some bullsh*t!

The thing is I worked hard – adapting graphic novels with cafes in them – and this allows me to afford a watch from which I can tell the time. I also have a phone which has a tiny clock in the top right corner, sometimes I look at that to tell the time, is it too much to ask that people consider buying their own watches or phones? I am reminded of the old story where a man asks Pablo Picasso if he knows the way to the nearest town. Picasso kills the man, because Picasso was having an off-day. In many ways that’s a lot like, that a****le in the bar. I f***ing hate that guy…

…No, I will not give you the f***ing time!