Too Much Culture

The 2011 Academy Awards: Liveblog

Posted in Uncategorized by tneenan on 02/27/2011

All Time codes correct to GMT, Coverage begins from the Red Carpet at 23:00.

04:45: That’s all from the Academy Awards Liveblog: and remember, if you haven’t won an Oscar, you are basically worthless.

04:36: Best picture goes to: The King’s Speech. All in all this makes this year’s Queen’s Speech a guaranteed anti-climax.

04:31: Oscar Fact: Stephen Spielberg is known as ‘The Beard” because his wife is a heterosexual.

04:27: Colin Firth is currently “pouring some out for his homies.” Classic Firth.

04:25: Best Actor: Colin Firth. Firth’s Speech: “Yeeeeeees! F**k you Franco!” An unusually ungallant speech from the national treasure.

04:16: Best Actress: Natalie Portman, for the brilliant Max Payne!

04:04: Best Director: Tom Hooper, Tom Hooper for The King’s Speech. amazingly is only the 83rd man to win this award.

03:48: Randy Newman, Best Original Song. Newman is also nominated for Best Adapted Song, for his song adapted from all his other songs.

03:40: Oscar Fact! For his acceptance speech for Schindler’s List winning best picture, Stephen Spielberg just raised his middle finger and pointed it toward Germany.

03:36: Film Editing Award goes to The Social Network. they say a film is written four times, once by the writer, once by the director, once by the editor and once when it is turned into a novelisation.

03:34: Best Visual Effects: Inception. For achievements in making leonardo Dicaprio look like Christopher Nolan.

03:30: Bob Hope’s name is Japanese for Golf-Club-Many-Writers.

03:27: Billy Crystal has arrived. A man so famous, they named a night after him!

03:21: Best Doc. Inside Job. Shocking choice, many thought a documentary about bankers getting their comeuppance wouldn’t be a crowd pleaser.

03:20: Oscar Fact! Oprah Winfrey is the world’s first black woman.

03:17: God of Love is Best Live Action Short, many thought this was Warwick Davis’ year.

03:15: Best Documentary Short: Strangers No More. The title is ironic, as nobody is in any way acquainted with this film.

03:09: If you take the first letters of each line of  “We Belong Together” by Randy Newman it spells: P.I.X.A.R.H.A.V.E.M.Y.F.A.M.I.L.Y.P.L.E.A.S.E.H.E.L.P. Weird eh?

03:07: Randy Newman nearly didn’t appear at tonight ceremony after threats made by the Short People League of America.

03:03: Best Costume goes to: the people who dress Helena Bonham-Carter for award ceremonies, although in their speech they agree ‘their bet may have got a little out of hand.”

02:59: Best Make-up goes to Wolfman. In reality Emily Blunt looks like Bella Emberg, they truly deserve this award.

0255: Best Sound Editing: Inception. Inception is sweeping the boards in the “Nobody gives a f***” awards.

02:50: Best Sound Mixing Goes to Inception. Inception is impeccable in the way it mixes the sounds of “Eh?” “What?” and “That bit’s alright.”

02:44: Best Original Score: The Social Network. And for anybody wondering what that score was: Mark Zuckerberg one hundred billion, everyone else, nil.

02:42: Oscar Fact! Marisa Tomei only won her Best Supporting Actress Award for My Cousin Vinny because she got more votes than any of the other nominees.

02:37: Christian Bale is currently back stage fuming about how many people were in his eye line.

02:31: Best Supporting Actor: Christian Bale. Amazingly Christian Bale lost a considerable amount of attitude to play the roll of Dickie.

02:29: Best Foreign language Film: In a Better World. A film set in a world where Russell Brand didn’t just present this oscar.

02:18: Oscar Fact! Best Screenplay goes to: The King’s Speech. David Sidler’s voice is used by drilling companies to break up large pieces of rock.

02:15: Aaron Sorkin, winner of best adapted Screenplay famously wrote the West Wing, a drama set on “the gay side” of The White House.

02:07: Best Animated Feature Goes to: Toy Story 3. Lee Unkrich: “We slammed that dragon Bull**it!”

02:05: Best Animated Short Award goes to: The Lost Thing. The stop motion team behind Kirk Douglas.

01:55: The Oscar for best actress in a supporting role goes to: Melissa Leo, Kirk isn’t able to stay for the entire speech as he needs to finish attaching balloons to his house.

01: 47: Best Cinematography Oscar Goes to: Inception. It is fitting this award should go to Inception as nobody knows that Cinematography is about either.

01:47: And the winner for best Art Direction goes to: Alice in Wonderland. Tim Burton is delighted: “Oh yeah I remember that one.”

01:41: James Franco is performing in character, as a jet-lagged Joseph Gordon Levitt.

01:36: “Winning The Academy Award tonight, would be good… Like a great… Good thing, y’know really. um… Nice.” – Aaron Sorkin.

01:32: And we’re off!

01:25: There is a minor delay to start of the ceremony as Dwayne Johnson has jammed james Franco’s arm against a wall.

01:15: Oscar Fact! Roberto Benigni’s unorthodox journey to the stage was inspired by The Jamiroquai’s “Deeper Underground” video.

00:55: Christian Bale has been quashing rumors he has been spending too much time with a  “magical English nanny”.

00:50: Oscar Fact! Jesse James has made it public, if Sandra Bullock enjoys herself tonight, he will “Put an end to that pretty quick.”

00:45: Firth… Is… Drunk!

00:25: Celine Dion is on the red carpet, taking a break for her 5,000 year run in Las Vegas for which she has reportedly been paid fifty virgin souls. She is praising her agent, Mr. B.L.Z Bubb.

00:10: Oscar Fact! When Walt Disney won for Snow White and the Seven Dwarves they presented him with one full sized Oscar, and seven gold swastikas.

00:04: The Today Show have secured an exclusive interview with Charlie Sheen, and confirm the interview will come with English Subtitles.

23:52: Geoffrey Rush on the red carpe. Geoffrey Rush famously won an oscar for “Shine” playing pianist Gary Barlow.

23:45: The Red Carpet is in uproar as a celebrity asks Ryan Seacrest if he is looking forward to this evening.

23:36: Russell Brand on the red carpet. In his time he has been described as a Cockney Goth, a Dickensian Villain and a Negligent Broadcaster.

23:35: Oscar Fact! On Oscar night 1975 Marlon Brando was absent as he was collecting the dry cleaning for a Native American woman.

23:30: Mila Kunis on the red carpet, hard to believe she is also the voice of Tony The Tiger.

23:25: Hailee Steinfeld is on the Red Carpet. Nominated in the Best Supporting Actress category for True Grit. the main actress in true Grit is not nominated for best actress as she does not exist.

23:12: Ricky Gervais wrote an opening monologue for Anne Hathaway and James Franco. Ricky Gervais famously skewered Hollywood’s pomposity by gently ribbing his friends.

23:09: Oscar Fact! Woody Allen famously never attends The Oscars. neither does Roman Polanski, for different, and the same reasons.

23:06: Josh Hutcherson on the Red Carpet. he has been a Hollywood player for years. Famously he starred alongside Anthony Hopkins in Magic.

23:00: The stars are arriving in their droves. Jennifer Lawrence, Best Actress Nominee is wearing Calvin Klein, from his Special K Collection. Beautiful.


Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: